Dating

I have started down the dating path. I have managed 2 outings and a ball. Very scary after so long. Quite different and refreshing to know that I am doing ok and better than some.

Almost Normal

Almost normal is the feeling I have had for 2 months. Apart from feeling like crap for the past 2 weeks, I am now realising what it is to feel back to normal. It is really strange to think that I can fell sane again. Now I realise how others in my situation can finally start to move on.
I believe I can finally go out and start flirting - nothing else yet - but flirting definately.

BUGGAH

Just when things are settling down I find a lump and have to have it checked. It further brings home the fact I am on my own and this is the worst possible thing to have to go through on your own.

Uugghhh

Feeling unfit, flabby and alone. Just going through the motions. Each day rolls into the next and sometimes I wonder what is the point to it all. Can't be arsed getting off my arse which compounds and the before mentioned issues. Soooo I suppose life continues and me along with it. Just once I would like someone ring and check on me or someone offer me an evening out. But no another weekend looms with only Cadbree as company.
Time for chocolate to hell with the consequences noone is going to see me anyway!!!

Sick dog

Had to take my dog to the vet today and it brought a flood of memories. Last time I went to the vet Terry was with me and then the cat died. All I could think of was yet another precious part of my life was going to be lost. Have to wait to see if the medicine works before the next step of surgery. Life just keeps getting better and better.

Feeling Ill

What a fantastic joy to be sick and alone. You have no support or anyone to tell you to stay at home and rest. It is a pian to have to get up and get yourself organised and noone to bring you in chicken soup. Yes I am moaning but when you are sitting home all weekend with no phone calls you start to feel crap. I know people have their own lives but mine is still here as well and there is a big part missing. It will get better and so will I. Enough moaning, time for chocolate medicine.

Guy Fawkes

Another difficult milestone I am about to attempt. Fireworks was an event we both shared and really enjoyed. It was Terry's job to get the fireworks and he used to go overboard. It was fun and childlike. It was a time to let loose and have pure fun. Now I am braving it on my own. I have friends to share it with but going on your own is never the same. There will be noone to hold my hand, give me a cuddle or reassure me. SO here I go again, alone again naturally!!!

Friends

Why is it when you start to get back on track someone gets put out cause you don't call? Do they call me when I am stuck at home on my own? Do they see if I am alright? No but you must always make time to visit them when you fly home. Come on people you still have your life partners, think about those of us struggling to come to terms with a major life change.

Weekends

This blog is designed for me to vent and maybe others can relate and get some support knowing someone else out there is going through the same things.
Grief is a bugga. It comes up and hits you from behind like a massive wave. You are going along doing normal things and kapow it hits again.
So far I have no answers but I am working on it.
Weekends are the worst. 3 nights on your own and 2 days without the prospect of anyone ringing or visiting. Going to the supermarket is a great way to get some human contact.
I am learning to garden a job my hubby did. I don't enjoy it but I do like the feeling when the garden looks like he used to have it, it cuts abit of stress out of my day.